The Ex Who’s Still a Friend (With Benefits)…

friends-with-exI have always remained cordial with my exes, some more than others, but have also set very clear boundaries for our interactions when I’m dating or in a relationship with someone else. Nor do I have a problem with a significant other being friends with an ex as long as they have clear boundaries as well. However, in recent conversation, I was disgusted by the fact that some people choose to operate in a less than respectful manner.

From a woman’s perspective, rather than place all of the blame on the ‘ex-girlfriend’ so to speak, I primarily fault any man who is in a relationship but entertains his ex to the point where she feels comfortable doing certain things. Calling at all hours/multiple times, sending sexual messages, having impromptu rendezvous and Lord knows what else. But then again, maybe it’s just me. The fact that I’m cut from a different cloth and don’t see how any person of good character, male or female, could allow themselves to be caught up in such disrespectful shenanigans.

Now let’s discuss reasons why being friends (with benefits) with an ex can become an issue.

You want to have your cake and eat it too. It’s been proven down through the years that men are more prone to thinking they can have every girl they want, which is the exact reason it takes some men so long to settle down and others opt to continue playing the field once they have. That level of greed can be detrimental to any relationship.

You may be having a “grass is greener” moment. If you’re not completely satisfied in a new relationship, you may be more inclined to keep in contact with your ex. However, some people fail to realize that it’s always easier to romanticize the person you’re not with, especially since you’re no longer exposed to their irritating habits on a consistent basis. If the grass always seems greener somewhere else, you’ll never be satisfied wherever you are. Adding the ex to the mix is only likely to complicate things further.

You are holding out hope. Anything beyond a “grass is greener” moment can definitely be considered as holding out hope that your ex will have learned from their previous mistakes and become the kind of partner you truly desire. Keeping them around in the friend zone guarantees that you’ll get to see those changes firsthand and have no problems reconciling but puts a hindrance on any new potential relationships.

Either way, one should never entertain an ex to the point where it creates an issue for your current partner and displays a lack of concern for their feelings about the situation. While it’s understandable that you may want to hold onto that relationship in some capacity since they very well may have played an important role in your life for a significant amount of time, it’s equally important to remember that they are an ex for a reason.

Are you comfortable with your significant other being friends with an ex? If so, to what extent?

4 thoughts on “The Ex Who’s Still a Friend (With Benefits)…

  1. I like this a lot, just feel like the points need to be explored a bit further!

    That being said, I’m lucky enough that my current partner only has one ex and they are not on speaking terms. Should she ever try to come back into his life, I would NOT be comfortable, but I have complete faith in him–it’s just that I wouldn’t put it past her to try and cause trouble.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Like you, I try to remain cordial with my exes. “Try” being the operative word. There’s a couple out there that it’s just impossible to be civil around, so … they’re not anywhere close by. o.O

    Is there a line, though? Yes, there is. It’s a very definitive line that isn’t very hard to discern or recognize. Crossing that line can (and most often, will) spell doom for the present relationship. Abuse of trust is not a trivial, small thing.

    Luckily, the one ex I’m in contact with most often poses absolutely no threat to anyone I may or may not date. While we may be friends – close friends, to be certain – the chances of us rekindling anything are incredibly nonexistent. LOL. And that’s a good thing … we make much better friends than we ever did as lovers.

    Liked by 1 person

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