DADDY ISSUES: Do They Ever Go Away???

As a woman who grew up with a father that wasn’t emotionally available, I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve dealt with my fair share of daddy issues.

Although my mother raised me to be independent, deep down inside I always craved the love and affection of my father. The feelings of insecurity and the need to constantly seek validation weighed heavily on me growing up. When I became old enough to date, it was a false attraction to men significantly older than me that served to temporarily compensate for the relationship I wanted most.

It wasn’t until my dad started opening up and sharing his feelings with me well into my adulthood that I began to feel as if a new page had been turned and I could finally leave those issues in the past. Funny thing is, it just occurred to me not too long ago that in all my great strides to overcome them and reconnect with my father, I turned right around and subconsciously fell for a man who is indeed, just like him. Emotionally unavailable.

I guess the studies are true:

Men date women like their mothers and women date men like their fathers.

I was just always under the impression that they were only true based on positive experience. But I guess at the end of the day, you can’t help who you love.

SO… seeing as how I thought I had been completely cured of my daddy issues only to have them manifest themselves again in a different manner, that brings me to my question.

Do they ever really go away???

I believe as with most issues, they will always be there. Lying dormant, waiting for an opportunity to re-surface. Therefore, it is up to the individual to remain diligent in their efforts to leave the past behind and continue moving forward. When you are fully aware of your own shortcomings, no one can use them against you and you are better equipped to handle any situation that arises as a result of them.

What are your thoughts???

5 thoughts on “DADDY ISSUES: Do They Ever Go Away???

  1. All too often we chain ourselves to the past: past loves, past hurts, and past memories … the list goes on ad infinitum. While our rational minds may tell us one thing, our irrational hearts tell us another and so, we often find ourselves caught up in a whirlwind of chaos, conflict and indecision. We look to our significant others to help us find a measure of peace in the midst of all these silent psychological downpours and storms. We reach out (and often surrender) to those who best exemplify the things which remind us of elements from our past. We look to these souls to provide us with comfort, serenity, fulfillment, and purpose. They become safe havens and harbors in the midst of the storms we face in life.

    We look for those who best represent the strengths of our parents. Generally, men subconsciously search for women who present themselves as nurturers; the stereotypical caring, loving, devoted girlfriend or wife who will look at him with stars in her eyes and stroke his ego. Conversely, women guide themselves to men who epitomize strength and stability: the cliched “solid as an oak” warrior / guardian / protector. More often than not, we find ourselves becoming romantically with the diametric opposite of what we *think* we want and need.

    We do the best we can, caught between the proverbial rock and hard place. The heart is such a conflicted and confused mess; foolish and full of delusions of grandeur … while the mind is logical and devoid of emotion. More often than not, even when we’re hurt and lost, we still allow our hearts to guide us. We move forward slowly: learning, growing, expanding our horizons, gaining insight into ourselves … it’s a journey that doesn’t end until the moment we take our last breath.

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