The Serial Monogamist…

During a recent homework assignment for my Sociology class, I came across a term that hit home on a personal note.

Serial Monogamy: the practice of having a number of long-term romantic or sexual partners in succession

According to my research, this seems to be the current trend for most singles these days and while I wouldn’t consider myself a serial monogamist, I now realize that I have been dating one for the past couple of years.

Serial monogamists can be faithful partners but when things start getting serious, they have a tendency to convince themselves that something is missing. It’s almost as if a trigger happens and even though the relationship may have all the potential in the world, suddenly they’re over it, over you and it’s off to the races for the next one.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t want a loving and committed relationship. It simply means that there is a deeper issue at hand. In most cases, they are usually holding on to the pain of previous experiences and have a fear of emotional intimacy that prevents them from taking things to the next level.

For someone who is currently involved with a serial monogamist and wants more, I must admit that these revelations left me feeling some type of way. While technically, I am already past the normal expiration date for a typical relationship with a serial monogamist and that does give me some hope that I may be the exception to the rule, the signs are still there. Thanks to my homework assignment, I have now been able to put actual facts to some of my feelings and begin the process of mentally preparing myself for what may very well be, the inevitable between us.

2 thoughts on “The Serial Monogamist…

  1. And that’s exactly who she was as well. Once it started getting REALLY serious (i.e., “Hey, I could see myself spending the rest of my life with this woman . HMMMM … I wonder. Maybe we should have THAT talk soon.”) she started trippin’ on the smallest of things:

    “Why do you keep writing? You ain’t never gonna get published. Quit dreaming and stick with your REAL job so you can take care of me (never ‘us’, it was always ‘me’)” (Honey, it’s not a dream … it’s an ambition; something I am fully capable of attaining AND sustaining when the time is right. Be **my** ride-or-die; support and encourage me … don’t tear me down.)
    or
    “You’ll never understand what it means for a black boy to have a black man in his life.” (Well, DUH … obviously, I’m white, honey. You’re right, I can’t be what I’m not. Never said I could or would, but what I can be is a positive, dependable role model. He doesn’t have that right now … except with me.)
    or
    “There ain’t no good men no more. Y’all just want the coochie. Y’all just damned dogs … always treatin’ a sista like she’s nothin’ more than a whore.” (Uh, NO, not all of us. Don’t put me in the same box as those other fools you’ve been with. You are my QUEEN … you always have been and always will be. You gotta TRUST me to always do right by you … just like I trust YOU.)
    or
    “We’re moving too fast, boo. My mind is caught up and tripped out.” (It’s been two and a half, almost three years, how much slower do we need to go? You gotta talk to me and tell me what’s going on inside of you. We’ll go as slow and steady as you need, babe.)

    (nods) So, she moved on (dipped out, really) because, essentially, she got scared by her own thoughts and memories. Her past overshadowed her present … and what could’ve been her future. She let the scars of old wounds and heartbreaks scare her into running away. It happens. I wish her well. I hope – I pray – she finds what she’s looking for.

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