Does The Idea of Marriage Ruin A Relationship?

Djimon-Hounsou-On-MarriageDuring a recent sit down with Hip Hollywood, actor Djimon Hounsou shared his thoughts on marriage.

The idea of marrying somebody can actually ruin the union. Some people are very happy together for decades and they get this fantasy idea of going to get married and it’s just about papers. Signing papers. Eventually, it just goes sour.

And he’s not the only one who shares this opinion. Back in 2009, Oprah had this to say during an interview:

Had [Stedman and I] made the official marriage commitment, we wouldn’t still be together. The reason the relationship works is that we get to define it on our terms. It would be very different if we were in a ‘traditional’ relationship where I was expected to be a wife and every now and then cook a meal!

As bad as it may sound for a hopeless romantic like myself, I can totally agree with these statements. Especially after having gone through a divorce partially because the relationship was no longer “my idea” of what it should have been and now being in a long-term dating situation where there are no labels.

The truth of the matter is, when a person makes a commitment, their perspective on the relationship changes and their expectations become much higher than when they were just dating so when said expectations aren’t met, problems arise.

What are your thoughts???

3 thoughts on “Does The Idea of Marriage Ruin A Relationship?

  1. I don’t know, I think this generation and the generation before it is adverse to work. My view is more what makes relationships difficult is a lack of life skill prior and choice of a mate with that similar degree, value for the relationship, long term. There are valid reasons for signing on to have the piece of paper legally, especially as your mate ages and your share and build together. But I don’t think a piece of paper is going to do your relationship any good, if you don’t have a healthy idea of it prior (respect and benefits).

    So for me it is a matter of values. I wouldn’t marry a person who thinks marrying and signing on the dotted line is a problem, in fact I might look at that as the writing in the sand, because I do value it. But I also value having deep life skill to apply to the relationship and choosing someone that understands ‘partnership.’

    Not marrying might be right for these folks, but I think people should search their own values on this matter. Oprah is not living my life and I am not living hers, plus who we may be in relationship are two different women (though I love her to bits).

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    1. This is true, everyone is different and should live according to their own values. I also agree that making a marriage legal is very valid and the fact that it does take work to make it last. However, I think this is what some people forget because they have fallen so in love with the “idea” of being married and not their particular marriage itself which is sure to cause a downfall.

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      1. “However, I think this is what some people forget because they have fallen so in love with the “idea” of being married and not their particular marriage itself which is sure to cause a downfall.”

        Yes!!! I see that at times, so I agree. Very dangerous, falling for the narrative of marriage instead of the bond you yourself are building….

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